If It Don't Fit, You Must Acquit...

Today's motivating factor to diet was thinking about things I would like to be able to wear...and will hopefully be able to wear some day in the not too distant future.

Navy Pea coat
Trench coat
Leather jacket
(OK...it's been cold lately.)

To clarify, they make all of these coats in fat people sizes but they look really silly. I tried a leather jacket on at the Big Fat Guy store and I looked like a leather couch. If I had a trench coat on it would look like I have four or five midgets hiding under the coat as part of a Jack-Ass prank.

I haven't made it to the gym yet and I'm pretty sure it won't happen this week. It's OK though if I still lose weight. We'll see Sunday. Ha! I weigh myself twice a day. I know you shouldn't but I can't help it.

Work has been nutty. The snow has been nutty. My kids have been nutty. I would like to say that my middle child just took a "progress test" in kindergarten and had the highest score at the school in three years (also higher than some first and second graders). She has bought into the plan that only smart people are going to get a post-secondary education in the Smith Family. Viva scholarships!

I'm really not as wigged out and random as I sound. I'm just ready to snap and would like just one bag of Doritos or one chocolate cake to take the edge off. On my way home, I kept my eye out for any transient bakers who might be willing to trade confections for shelter. No luck.

Still doing well on my diet. I'm gonna have to work out soon to manage this stress.

Peace and joy to you all.

Len

Anyone got a Dilly Bar?

http://trappedinafatman.blogspot.com/

Blogging's for Sissies

I ate well today. Mini wheat for breakfast, peanut butter sammiches for lunch, Triscuits for a snack, and cottage cheese/tomato for diner. I'll snack later too.

Today was a snow day. I worked from home...which I usually hate because I can't quite get into the mood to work when I'm home. The 12" of snow outside made going to work not worth it. As of 8:00p, we only have one lane plowed on our street. I was going to shovel the driveway but my neighbor and his space age snow blower got there first. Shucks.

I'm nervous about this weekend. My family and I will likely be going to Cincinnati this weekend to watch my nephew play hockey for Eastern Kentucky. They will all want to do dinner as part of the experience. This will also be the day before I weigh in. Ug.

I have nothing much to say. I played with my dog for a minute and now I can't breathe. It's amazing...at this weight I could insert just about anything at the beginning of that sentence and it would end in "...and now I can't breath." If I really wanted to be accurate, I could end everything with "...and now I can't breath and I'm sweating like a madam on dollar night.

Not for much longer, I hope.

I hope you all had fun and stayed safe today.

Peace.

Len

http://trappedinafatman.blogspot.com

I Think A Polar Bear Bit Me

Sorry about missing the post last night. For missing my blog, I punished myself mercilessly...and by mercilessly I mean I made myself go to work today. Ah yes, work was a drama wrapped in a spectacle, woven into a tragedy inside a big ta-do. And do you know how I reacted to said drama? I got cranky, made some bad decisions, and may have set world peace back decades...but I did NOT overeat. No applause please, I do it for the kids.

My Monday and Tuesday of this week were pretty much as they have been on this whole project: SlimFast's space age genetically-engineered wonder juice for breakfast, a turkey sub for lunch (with Baked Lays) and a small dinner. Dinner last night was Triscuits and cheese (I got home really late from work). Tonight it was two scrambled eggs with green onions, red, yellow, and orange bell peppers (yum on a stick) all stuffed into two whole wheat pitas.

I HAVE EXERCISED!!! In the last three days I have shoveled snow off of my driveway twice. Those of you who have seen my house know that my driveway is long, steep, and has a large area at the top by the garage. It was a decent workout to do it all by myself Sunday and to do half of it Monday (thanks to my lovely wife who had it half shoveled by the time I got home tonight).

I'm wasting away folks. The fat is melting off of me as we speak. There will be a puddle of lipids on this chair when the blogging concludes. Tomorrow, I'll be all bad-ass looking...you know, like Luke Perry or that dude in the band Nelson.

Ridiculous 90210/Nelson humor aside...I'm doing OK. My stress level at work is a 9 out of 10 right now; however, I've resisted the urge to soothe the pain with food.

By the way, many of you indicate you are not receiving e-mail notifications when I post. I don't think there is anything I can set to make that happen. There is only an area to specify up to 10 e-mail addresses. Those of you on Facebook may have noticed that I syndicate this blog on my Facebook page. That may be a more convenient way to read it than coming here for you Facebook addicts (like me).

Peace and love to you all.

Len

http://trappedinafatman.blogspot.com

Shhhh....everybody quiet. The fat guy's gonna say something.

Hello blog people.

Sorry it has been a week since my last post. I weighed in today and lost 3.5 lbs this week. That's 13.5 lbs total in 3 weeks. I've almost lost the weight equivalent of an Olsen twin. I'm pleased. Only 86.5 lbs to go.

OK, I'm reevaluating my blog frequency. After being pretty diligent on the daily posts for the first week, I dropped to once a week. My primary reason for that is that most days I am just flowing along eating less and better. I felt that if I didn't have anything real interesting or funny to say, why bother posting. I was really missing the point. The reason I started this blog is to be accountable to you all who are following a long on a DAILY basis. Most of all, I want to never lose sight of the importance of what I am doing, even for a day. I've got a wife and three children who expect me to live well into my 120s. Notwithstanding cryogenic head freezing, longevity will be probably only be a reality by eating right and exercising.

So my eating this week has been pretty good. Slim Fast, Cracklin' Oat Bran, turkey sammiches, lean meats, etc. have been the food choices. I still don't really feel like I'm on a diet. I don't feel very deprived. Yesterday I had a serious craving for chips so I ate some Baked Doritos. They were surprisingly tasty. The texture was kind of like eating an egg carton but the flavor was good. I had a night eating episode once this week (the first in two weeks). I ended up eating cinnamon Pop Tarts. Now I love Pop Tarts but they tasted gross and I didn't feel very good when I woke up the next morning. I filed that away for the next time I get hungry in the middle of the night.

I'm hoping that this week I will be able to start my exercise routine. Many people at work have been religious about exercising lately and it is paying dividends for them. I know it's key for me too. I just need to get it going. Wish me luck.

Fun fact to know and tell: Slim fast has 24 ingredients, most of which sound like names of characters in a Greek tragedy.

Narrator: Behold, Carrageenan and Acesufame approach.
Carageenan: Alas, Acesulfame, I have discovered that my wife is my mother, and also your sister.
Acesulfame: That sucks.
Fin

http://trappedinafatman.blogspot.com/

Week 2 in the Books

Sorry Blogsters...I have been remiss in my duties for the past few days. Today is my second weigh in...two weeks into the project. I am happy to report 2 additional pounds have found their way off me and on to wherever shed fatness goes. That is a total of 10lbs in two weeks. Not quite as much shock and awe this week as last. I think this week's weight loss represents a more natural and real number. Last week was likely a lot of water weight since my salt intake as dropped.

So now...90 pounds to go and 51.5 weeks left before the big 4-0.

I'm pretty happy.

This week I discovered Walmart's Great Value Southwestern Spicy mustard. Only 10 calories a tablespoon and mucho flavor. I added it to stir fry last night and was pleased. Like I've said before, if healthy food has a lot of flavor, I'm much more likely to keep eating it.

On the night eating front, I can report that I no longer get up to eat. I don't know how this happened and why it's easier for me this time around. It could be the vault door I put on my room or the hungry Rottweiler that sits outside the pantry. Kidding. It's a Shih-Poo, not a Rottweiler.

Since I have been slacking with the blog for a few days, I'll add a new episode of "Today's Nasty Fat Side Effect". Today's discussion will center around seat belt extensions on commercial aircraft. Only once have I needed said device. I think newer airplanes are just facing the fact that Americans are getting fatter, and have increased the size of the standard seat belt. But for the one time I had to use it...man it sucked. Picture this: A poor fat man is boarding a plane. He's got a laptop on one arm and a carry on in the other. By the time he gets to his seat, he's fairly generously bathed in sweat. As he puts his bags away, he notices the "Real Housewife of Orange County" in the seat next to his is nervously watching as he prepares to sit.

As he sits (insert Today's Nasty Fat Side Effect about Stadium Chairs) he is aware that Ms. Perma-tan next to him has managed to squeeze her entire Botox-infused frame onto the half of her seat nearest the window. I'm sure she is afraid that if she touches the portly fellow, she might catch "the fat". So he finally squeezes into his seat and begins to fidget with the seat belt...you know Federal Regs and all. As he extends the seat belt to it's fullest length, he realizes he is about an inch short of bringing the ends together. He starts what I call "the fat man dance". This is where girthy people try to suck in, shimmy, shake, and pray that whatever it is that is too small will somehow just give in and fit. Who knows how much collateral sweat flew off and hit the poor 50-year old debutante. From the sign of the cross she was making at me, I would say a lot.

At some point the pudgy traveler musters all his strength, all his courage, all his fear, all his love, all his hate and with everything he has in him he tries to pull the two seat belt ends together. If he had been alone, he would have let out a lion-like roar in anguish. At this point, Ms. Orange County even starts to pity the round ball of futility sitting next to her. The thing that the man has forgotten is that these seat belts are really not designed to give...at all.

About this time, the stewardess comes over the intercom to remind everyone to put on their seat bets. Oh, the humanity. Our weary traveler realizes that he cannot comply. Believe it or not he doesn't know seat belt extenders even exist. He figures the airline will just have him sign a waiver acknowledging that in the event of turbulence, if he is thrown from his seat, he can't sue. He feels OK with this since it would take a shoe horn and a fireman to get him out of his seat anyway.

So he presses the call button and a stewardess arrives. After explaining to the stewardess the situation, her years of training kick in. She promptly returns with what appears to be another seat belt. As she gets closer, it becomes evident it is a seat belt extender. By this time, a half dozen people easily are following along with the events. She explains to him how to use it and the situation is resolved. You should have seen how folks looked at the guy when the drink and peanut snack came. They were all staring like "I know you aren't going to eat those peanuts after all that, fat boy."

So, while safe from turbulence, I was quite humiliated. Wouldn't it be funny if all of the fat I lose finds it's way to Ms. Orange County's thighs? I can dream.

Until the next blog...thanks for your support.

39 years young.

Ok...the clock officially starts ticking on the 1-year experiment. I'm starting off a little ahead. 92 lbs to go. 39 years old today.

Things have been going well. My wife baked some chocolate chips cookies yesterday. They were small so I ate six of them. Today is my birthday so I had a little piece of cake. Other than those two instances...things have been going well. Today it was Slimfast, ham and cheese with baked Lays and a Lean Cuisine on the menu.

I feel it's time to start exercising. My work has a decent facility and some training is available. I just need to figure out if it will be before or after work. Neither sounds cool but I need to get with it.

Nothing too humorus to say today except Ana Nicole Smith, Malcom X, and Martin Luther King Jr. all died when they were 39. That would be one way to lose weight.

Hard One

OK...last night was "return of the not eating at night crack withdrawals". It didn't help that my daughter was puking like the exorcist last night. I kept waking up wanting to go down stairs and butter something. I didn't eat but it was hard. It was hard today too. Not really hungry...just craving some of the old garbage. I just spent the last 30 minutes looking at old pics from when I was thin. It's motivational.

By the way, I hooked up with some old friends on Facebook today. Did you know you could use it for that? I thought it was just for taking quizzes.

Today was Slimfast, a salad, a Lean Cuisine pizza and three small chocolate chip cookies. I know I have sinned! The cookies were 80 calories each. I'm going to go outside and yell "the fat man fell off the horse" and see if any of my neighbors shoot me.

Thanks for playing along. Talk to you soon!

Gonna be a fast one.

Hey folks.

After 8 days of really thinking about each post, I am going to take a night off. It was a good day. Slimfast for breakfast, ham and cheese sammich with Baked Lays for lunch and a baked potato with low fat honey mustard sauce.

Catch you on the next go around.

Weigh in day.

Drum roll please...

OK...I lost 8 lbs this week. I think that is roughly the weight of a gallon of milk. I'm pretty thrilled. When you're a biggin, you can drop a lot of weight very quickly at the beginning of a diet. I'll take it though. It hasn't been a bad week. I have never really been hungry (except the first couple of nights when I would wake up starving.) Since then, I have not been eating at night.

Tonight, I had a ham and cheese omelet for dinner. It was very tasty. I made it with no butter, about a tablespoon full of shredded cheddar cheese, and about 3 oz of lean ham. I took it all and rolled it in a piece of whole-wheat flat bread. Lunch was another grilled chicken and pepper wrap. I'm trying to use up the peppers before they go bad. I found that yellow and red bell peppers get sweet when you stir fry them in a little light vegetable oil. Breakfast was mini wheat again. I snacked on some baked Doritos this afternoon when I felt the need to chew.

OK...it's been a few days since the last "Today's Nasty Fat Side Effect" so here it goes. Those of us on the portlier side of life discover that at some point our thighs begin to rub together. The really big amongst us notice that the two thighs eventually become one! It's a marriage of fat and cellulose. The result can be unnatural wear and tear on the inner thighs of pants. Even better is some serious chafing at the pool or beach. There's no way around it. I suppose you could slather on some lotion to ease the friction or maybe wear chaps...but then you go from being a sad fat person with thigh chafing to a sad fat person with thigh chafing who is also a freak. Really, losing weight seems to be the best way to go. I'd like to be able to sit with my knees together again without pulling a groin muscle in the process.

In the final analysis, I know that this is just the first week. It's going to take many before I undo the damage I have done to my body over the last ten years. I am encouraged. I haven't been too hungry, I have eaten a decent variety of food, and I am feeling better. Being accountable to my friends and family through this blog is motivational. Each of you adding comments, sending e-mails, and posting Facebook messages, encourages me to go on. Thank you for that!

51 weeks to go on this project...then the rest of my life.

Saturday night's alright for dieting...

Wassup...

Breakfast was mini wheat, lunch was grilled chicken and peppers on warmed whole-wheat flat bread (yum-o-matic), and dinner was a salad with a lot of tomatoes and sunflower seeds.

You know...I measured out my mini wheat for the first time this morning and came to the conclusion that I normally eat six to eight servings. That's when I used to go by the "fill the large mixing bowl 'till it's full" method. Holy cow, I knew I was eating more than I should but dang. That was the equivalent of about 300% of my daily fibre needs...which explains a lot. The thing is, with one serving, 15 minutes later I was satisfied. I am marvelling at how my body really can be satisfied with less and better food. It's my head that isn't screwed on right (shut up Tressler). If you read yesterday's post, in it I decided to blame my stomach for my thickness. I'm changing that, now I'm blaming my head. In it's infinite logic, my head consistently reasons that double, triple, even quadruple portions of food are OK. My head also contains my mouth, which has gotten me into more trouble in my life than all my other bodily organs combined. So I hate my head now.

Last night, as I was on safari at the Noblesville Walmart, I picked up some General Mills Fibre One bars (oats and chocolate)...only 130 calories each but very satisfying and quite tasty. Eating one also provides me with the illusion that I am getting a treat.

No eating at night last night and it was much easier than the previous two mights. What do they say, it takes 14 consecutive days to form a habit? Only 11 more!

I deliberately picked a large project (reorganizing our entire home) to keep me busy today. I was up and down two flights of stairs about 40 times. I feel pretty good. In the end, our laundry room is clean, our basement (my man cave) is clean...except my wides screen is dead, and the rest of the house is respectable. Lest I take all the credit, my wife worked like a trooper all day too.

Tomorrow is my first weigh in. I'm expecting great things.

Love,

Len

It's Friiiiiiiiiiiday.

Another good day.

I've gone two days in a row without eating in the middle of the night. I wish I could say it was easy. I wake up hungry and my blood sugar feels really low. I sit there for about a half hour and go back to sleep. I think my body has developed a serious habit and is not giving in quietly.

I've been speaking fairly harshly about my body lately. I've been making fun of it being big, sloppy, big and sloppy. You know, it's really not my body's fault. It's my stomach's fault. It's important to isolate blame. So now I hate my stomach. First of all, it's always being like, "I'm hungry, feed me." AND it sits squarely between me and seeing my belt buckle without a mirror. Come to think of it, if I look straight down, I can't see crap. My horizon is 10 inches below my chin. I could have a stalker hiding under there and wouldn't know it. Oh the humanity.

That said, these six days haven't been that hard. I've kicked up my activity level a bit and have resisted the urge to sit down and watch TV. Smokers talk about taking themselves out of situations that enable their smoking habit. Well, lethargy and stress enable my eating habit. Funny how both can be counteracted with activity. I have noticed that since I have been eating better, I am more mentally active and moving around isn't as dreadful an idea as it was before. Maybe I can start a positive cycle here.

Today's menu included the daily Slim Fast shake, a Lean Cuisine Chicken Philly Cheese Steak (yum), and a ham sammich from Subway (no mayo, no chips).

There will be no "Today's Nasty Fat Side Effect". I tallied them up and since I have 359 days to go on this blog and nowhere near that many PG rated side effects, I have to spread them out. If this was a R rated blog, we could break into some really fun stuff.

Weight in is in two days.

Peace mein freunde!

Len

Another Day, Another Diet

Hey fat person voyeurs. I hope you are all doing well.

I had a pretty good day. SlimFast in the morning, salad for lunch, dark chocolate bite for afternoon snack, and a ham sammich/pretzels for dinner.

Last night...I didn't snack in the middle of the night. I woke up about five times though. Each time I felt like heading downstairs for a snack. I'm really going to fight through the urge to get up in the middle of the night. Thanks to all of you who have stopped by with advice about that. The advice has ranged from "kill yourself with sleeping pills like Elvis did" to "try an exorcism". I do so love the advice of my friends.

I'm not sure what my blog status will be for the weekend. To tell you the truth, I am kind of dreading the weekend. During the week, between work and kid time, I don't have a lot of spare time to sit and think about food. I need to make sure I am occupied this weekend. Maybe I'll start a youth hostel or found a religion. Maybe I'll design a stadium chair with lubricated sides.

Time for "Today's Nasty Fat Side Effect". Here it goes. When you are really hefty around the waste (read: almost as wide around as you are are tall) sitting in chairs at sporting events can suck. You sort of melt into the chair. Your fat, like water, seeks the path of least resistance and fills all the little nooks and crannies in the chair. Then, when your team does well, you try to stand up and clap and nearly rip the floor up with you. Plus, the release of your side meat from the confines of the chair results in a fatty spillover onto your neighbors who are likely trying to eat nachos or drink a beer. By about half time, you give up and swear that the next person who starts a "The Wave" is getting slapped.

All in all...my first "business week" in this experiment went well. I'll weigh Sunday and let you know how it goes.

Peace and liposuction to all.

Len

Today I didn't even have to use my A.K. I got to say it was a good day.

I would have to have two more joints in my back to be able to see my belt buckle without a mirror.

I had a good day at work and a good day eating. I forgot to grab a Slimfast on the way out the door. A cup of tea got me through the morning. I had a nice salad for lunch. I am really craving tomatoes and our cafe' has had decent tomatoes (for January) the last few days. I also think steamed broccoli sounds good. Maybe tomorrow. For dinner I had baked lemon pepper chicken (thanks wife of mine) with no yolk egg noodles. I had a mini dark chocolate bar (bite size) as an afternoon snack.

Last night, when I woke...a grabbed a piece of white bread and it did the trick. I know, 70 empty calories...but not the 550 calories in a sleeve of Ritz crackers.

Exercise is still not in the routine. Right now, I'm really focusing on getting momentum with eating better. I know exerise is key...but baby steps.

I'm going to start a new feature in this blog called "Nasty Fat Person Side Effects". Each day I will list some type of suckery that is due to my girth.

Today's Nasty Fat Side Effect: Having to sit farther away from the table due to my gut size which increases the chance of dropping food on my stomach. There is nothing more sad than a fat guy with a food stain on his shirt.

Peace to all and weight loss to me!

Day #3: The walls are closing in.

OK...so writing this blog makes me sweat.

Day three boys and girls was Slimfast, salad, and a baked potatoE with low fat Honey Mustard salad dressing. OK, not eating like a champ but not eating heinous either.

First coming clean moment: At midnight, I awoke hungry and ate a sleeve of Ritz crackers. For about the last 20 years, I wake up about an hour and a half after I go to bed and I am ravenously hungry. The same thing happens when I wake up from a nap. The downside is that at night, I can sneak down and gorge. I have talked to countless health care professionals and they just say stop doing it. K. Rolling over doesn't work. I just think about the perfect opportunity I have to sneak food...in my own house...that I paid for anyway. Maybe this springs from some kind of perceived denial in my youth. I don't think it is as much about the eating as it is the sneaking. We actually put a bedroom door knob on the door, lock side out. You'd be surprised how many things in the house can be used to pick a bedroom door lock.

Anywho, I think I am going to come up with some kind of low-calorie snack that I can crunch for a second and feel satisfied. I just read where night eating being bad is a myth.

All in all I really haven't had cravings. The key is variety and not making this experiment about denial. The minute I start denying myself I get all "Nobody puts Baby in a corner." and pig out. The variety thing usually kicks in about week two.

So day three is in the books. Peace my brothers and sisters.

Day two.

Still can't see my belt buckle without a mirror.

Seriously, things went well today. I ate well and got some exercise dodging hillbillies at our local Walmart. Not a bad test today. I had some stress at work and instead of heading to the cafe like a Jonesing crack addict, I drank some water and knuckled down.

• Breakfast: Slimfast shake. Easy, fast, and synthetic.
• Lunch: Salad (w/lots of veggies...some dressing [Thousand Island...I know....bad]), diet Mountain Dew
• Dinner: Lean ham sammich (w/2% cheese and Shed's Spread) and some no fat croutons...delicious, diet Mountain Dew
• Drinking lots of water

So far, no real hunger pangs. I'm encouraged that my body gets satisfied fairly quickly. I'm thinking an apple or maybe some whole wheat crackers for an afternoon snack tomorrow. I got a little grouchy toward the end of the day.

I'm trying to figure out what my exercise routine will be. I'm pretty sure walking will be involved. My work has a decent gym. I may try to start going in the evenings a couple of days a week. What sucks is exercise produces massive sweat which makes me look fat and gross. Still, I know exercise will be key to this whole crazy experiment.

Thanks for checking in.

Getting Started

Ok...how cliche is it to start a new diet at the beginning of a new year. Couple that with the fact that this is a blog, the last thing the world needs another one of, and you have my project.

The last ten years of my life have been wonderful for me. I got married and I have three beautiful children. The downside is, I gained the weight equivalent of a set of four car tires. That's 100lbs to those of you playing along at home. I won't bore you with all of the unpleasant side effects of being this overweight. There are many and they suck. I will tell you that shopping at a big and tall store when you aren't tall is like browsing for movies behind "that curtain" at a video store. It's a little sad and you don't want anyone to see you doing it.

I have tried many diets and have spent a lot of money trying to reverse my unpleasant expansion...all to no avail. So here is my plan: I am going to try and eat better and exercise. What a concept! The twist this time around is that I am going to take you all (my family and friends) along with me on this ride. My goal is to be in better shape at 40 than I was at 30.

I turn 40 on January 14, 2010. That is a little over a year from today. I weighed about 225 in 2000...so there's the bar. I am not just going to use weight as my measuring stick. Stamina, blood pressure, fat %, etc. will be considered as well. Right now, I'm 100% fat, so there is nowhere to go but up (er down!).

For many, sharing their weight and struggle could be humiliating. I intend to try and make it fun. Feel free to comment on my posts. Teasing and poking fun are encouraged. I ask that you keep it PG-13 since there will be some younger folks paying attention.

Off to the races...