"What a beautiful and enormous abdomen you have Mr. Smith!"

This has never been said to me...not even in jest.

Sorry it has been awhile since I have blogged. This week has been REALLY SLOW! You see, I want to be thin NOW and while I have lost weight, I still weigh roughly the same as 7 1/2 bags of Morton Rock Salt!

Anyway, it's a marathon, not a sprint, right?
Slow and steady wins the race...
A stitch in time saves nine. WTF?

I need some healthy recipes. I'm getting very bored with my food choices.

One of my goals this summer is to fit into a roller coaster seat again. My boy is old enough (more importantly tall enough) to ride and I want to get to it. That leads to today's nasty fat side effect:

About 5 years ago (and 25 lbs below my current weight) I went to Kings Island with a friend. It was a day at the end of the season that was not announced on the Website. As a result, my friend and I were 2 of about 500 people in the whole park...seriously.

The first roller coaster we went to ride was "Son of Beast". I should have known things were going to go badly when the seventeen year-old, pimple-ridden, roller coaster technician had to put his back into it to get the restraint closed over me. The restraint effectively cut me in half. As the roller coaster took off, the gaggle of King's Islanders were smiling at the bisected fat guy speeding off to his doom. As the roller coaster went up the main hill, I informed my buddy that I would in fact being dying soon and would he mind terribly not mentioning to the coroner how the Kings Island kid had to use his knee to get the cross bar down over me.

We flew through the jerky terror of a ride that would have hurt a man half my size. All I know is that I am sure my kidneys were bruised. I know they were bruised because they were pinned up in my chest when the bar went down and they kept smacking me in the face throughout the ride.

By the time the ride ended, I was in serious pain--not James Khan in "Misery" pain--more like Joe Pesci in "Home Alone" pain. To top it off, the exit strategy was even better than getting buckled in. To open the bar, you have to push down first. Down just happened to be another half inch into my small intestines. I took it all like a man, which is to say I cussed like a sailor.

Internal injuries be damned! I limped away and went through this exercise another 12 or so times throughout the day. Man, thin can't come quick enough.