Sunday, May 31, 2009

My Weight Loss Wagon Had A Flat Tire

Starting Weight: 324.5 lbs
Weight Last Sunday: 274.5
Weight today: 268 lbs
Weight Lost to Date: 56.5 lbs
Weeks Completed: 21
Weeks to go: 31

OK...so I totally chickened out and didn't blog last week. It's been a weird two weeks. I did fairly well the week leading up to race weekend. I then slid off the wagon for about three days. As a result, last Sunday morning I woke up 6.5 lbs heavier!! I spent the last week removing the aforementioned weight. I also learned two important lessons.

1. I am still a foodaholic. Without diligence, I could very easily slip back into my old habits. I forgot my own advice about planning to go off the wagon rather than binging. I am going to have to work on that because some day this project will be over and I'll have to work as hard (or harder) to keep this weight off.

2. I had been cheating a bit the four weeks leading up to Memorial Day weekend. I would come off the wagon a few times during the week and then compensate by not drinking much water after I walked. That was an especially key trick on Sunday mornings where I would weigh in after I walked but before I had any water. I have seen 1.5-2 lbs of water come off during a walk. The following day, I'd jump back up a few lbs and then spend the next week actually losing the weight I had reported lost (through dehydration) the week before. It was a weight loss Ponzi scheme.

SO...I'm back down to 268 lbs and ready to get on with this project the right way.

This week I began mixing in some jogging with my walking. I was able to get my three mile walk down to 15 minute miles. For me, that's fast. There are some hills in my neighborhood so it's not all flat. I bought a good pair of shoes from a running store that video tapes your feet while you walk to see what type of shoes you need. These shoes feel great! Still, I have a little pain in my shins now since I started jogging. I think I am still too heavy to jog much. I had a friend invite me to walk/jog the mini with her and another friend next year. Shelly, if you are reading, that sounds cool. I have a lot of training to do before then. I think (hope) another 20-30 lbs will do the trick on the shin splints. In the meantime, I will just try to walk as fast as I can.

Well, it feels good to come clean and be back on track. Some good lessons were learned.

See you all next week.

Pace and love (belated race pun),

Len

http://trappedninafatman.blogspot.com/

Sunday, May 17, 2009

I Have Broken into the 260's

Starting Weight: 324.5 lbs
Weight Last Sunday: 270.5 lbs
Weight today: 268 lbs
Weight Lost This Week: 2.5 lbs
Weight Lost to Date: 56.5 lbs
Weeks Completed: 19
Weeks to go: 33

OK...the ship has been righted this week. This is a milestone for me as I am the lightest I've been in three years. So after a few weeks of coasting, I'm going to start hitting it hard again. I need to get below 250 so I can squeeze onto a roller coaster at King's Island later this summer. I honestly never thought I could get excited about weighing 268 lbs. There are linemen for the Colts who are 6'6" and weigh 268 lbs.

Today's Nasty Fat Side Effect: Sore Feet
When you start to exceed the manufacturer's suggest limit for fattiness, one of the first things that starts to ache is your feet. So I have these aching feet from time to time. One sure way to get relief is to have my wife rub my hoofs. Unfortunately, God blessed me with a wife who is majorly grossed out by feet. 5 seconds of rubbing per foot is about as much as I can usually beg out of her. To remedy this aversion she has, I decided to rock out the pedicure. I figured if I dressed up the offending peds, mayhaps she would execute some prolonged rubbing.

Side note: My wife is good at rubbing feet. She's got her "technique down and everything. She don't be ticklin' or nothin'." It's a cruel irony that she chooses to squander her rub-skills.

Anyway, back to the pedicure. I found a salon and walked up to the door. It turns out the salon is closing but would be happy to help me out. As I sit in the chair with the whole staff staring at me, this lovely Vietnamese chick begins to bust out some heavenly foot attention. She's rubbing and scraping, and trimming, and buffing. It was...cool. Then, towards the end of the session, she asked me a question. Her English being much less developed than her pedicure skills, I had no idea what she was saying. After about four attempts to clarify, I just said "Yes.". Next thing you know, out pops the cotton spacers and on goes the clear coat to my toenails. When she was done, she escorted me over to the toe dryer where I sat there, totally wondering what was going on. The staff all leaned against the opposite wall as I sat there trying to feign normalcy. When I was done, I shod up and hit the road. My well-groomed feet were loving life. I got home, whipped off my shoes, and said" Honey, rub these!". Thinking she would melt at the sight of my metro pods, I was ready for some serious foot action. Unfortunately, even clean, trimmed feet are still feet. These days, I can usually get about 25 seconds per foot out of my wife. I am also addicted to pedicures, though I pass on the nail polish.

Thanks to all of you for tuning in. See you next week.

Len

http://trappedinafatman.blogspot.com/

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Starting Weight: 324.5 lbs
Weight Last Sunday: 271 lbs
Weight today: 270.5 lbs
Weight Lost This Week: .5 lbs
Weight Lost to Date: 54 lbs
Weeks Completed: 18
Weeks to go: 34

OK...for anyone who was around me this week, the fact that I didn't gain 5 lbs is a mother's day miracle. I did the movie thing, hit a bar with some co-workers, and then spent a day in a suite at the track where the beer, fried foods, and brownies were f-r-e-e. On top of that, I missed three days walking. I'm back in the swing of things though with 3.5 and 3 miles walked in the last two days.

Bottom line: I had a lot of fun this week and still didn't gain weight. This gives me hope for life after this project. It seems you can have fun AND maintain your weight.

So I saw the the new Star Trek at a sneak preview. Thanks to Mike T who always comes through with the hook up. It was a stellar flick...even if Nelson almost made us sit in the front row. The evening at RAM was cool. Kölsch is a tasty beer and light enough that I didn't feel like I was packing on the weight. It was tough resisting those delicious appetizers...but I did. The track was cool and the gang. That is the only way I will ever see a race at that track again (after 20 years in the "cheap" seats); however, no one is knocking my door down to hook me up for a suite on race day so I guess I'll settle for watching the replay on TV.

To all of you mothers, I say "Thanks for contributing to global overpopulation!" To all of you fathers, I say "Did you get a DNA test? That kid looks a lot like your neighbor."

I'm hoping for some 260's action next week. Wish me luck!

Peace and love.

Len

http://trappedinafatman.blogspot.com/

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Yo fat there's a lot of rumors goin' around...

Starting Weight: 324.5 lbs
Weight Last Sunday: 273.5 lbs
Weight today: 271 lbs
Weight Lost This Week: 2.5 lbs
Weight Lost to Date: 53.5 lbs
Weeks Completed: 17
Weeks to go: 35

Yo fat there's a lot of rumors goin' around
It's so bad baby you might have to skip town.

O.K. nothing like busting out an LL Cool J lyric to kick off a blog. I lost 2.5 more lbs this week. I am very happy because I went to eat at Cancun yesterday. It was the first time I've had Mexican food in four months. Mmmm...Mexican. I also walked 3 miles this morning on a new route around my neighborhood. There are still parts of this hood through which I have not walked. Sad. You have to watch out in Noblesville. If you make a wrong turn, you could wind up getting jacked by some rich 10 year-olds in a custom golf cart. Worse, you might even find yourself face to face with a soccer mom 10 minutes late to her kids' games. Then it's 1-8-7 on a crazy soccer mom.

Seriously, there's not much to tell. Spring is here and I am kicking up the activity levels even higher. Man, this exercise thing is the bomb (keeping with the wanna be gangster theme in this week's blog). I wish someone would write a newspaper article or host a news special about exercise. Everybody's always like, "starvation and dangerous diet pills, that's the only true way to lose weight." Haters.

Well, I've got the rest of this Sunday to kick it with the fam and get outside. Thanks to all of you who cheer me on weekly. It means a lot.

Peace and Love,

Len

http://trappedinafatman.blogspot.com/

Sunday, April 26, 2009

50 lbs lost and counting...

Starting Weight: 324.5 lbs
Weight Last Sunday: 275.5 lbs
Weight today: 273.5 lbs
Weight Lost This Week: 2.0 lbs
Weight Lost to Date: 51 lbs
Weeks Completed: 16 Weeks to go: 36

Well, I'm half way there. My goal was to lose 100 lbs in a year. This is also approaching the most weight I have ever lost. My personal record is 60 lbs when I tried Optifast about ten years ago. Optifast was cool. I drank nothing but nasty chocolate drinks every day for four months. In the end, I gained it all back PLUS 40 lbs. I know it's not Optifast's fault but it all seems sort of silly in retrospect. I truly believe that in most cases, extreme weight loss techniques are all short term-even gastric bypass. I've known three people who gained their weight back after having their stomachs stapled. It took them many years, but they still gained the weight back. Anything that does not require you to be disciplined won't last forever.

Time for another episode of Today's Nasty Fat Side Effect. Our topic for today is stretch marks. Most women who have been pregnant could probably describe stretch marks better than me. The difference is that once a woman gives birth, she can forget about her stretch marks, hoist her newborn to the air and scream, "I have created life!". The best a fat man can do is, take stock of his stretch marks, put down his bacon sandwich, and scream, "I have a map of the London Underground naturally stenciled in purple across my abdomen.

Stretch marks are strange and cruel. Even when you lose weight, they don't go away. They may stop being purple, but they mostly don't go away...they turn a nice shade of white. It's kind of like guidelines in a coloring book. I sleep without a shirt on (go ahead, visualize that). I'm afraid one of these days I'll wake up and my four year-old will have colored in my stretch marks. I can only imagine it will look like some unholy tie dye.

One friend of mine told me that when she was pregnant, her doctor told her to rub lotion on her skin twice a day to increase elasticity and avoid stretch marks. I could have lived in a vat of lotion and that wouldn't have saved me. I hope that as a lose weight, I don't end up with extra skin like that chick (er Kate) on John and Kate Plus 8. If so, I'll end up having to have that stuff hacked off and will have fodder for another Today's Nasty Fat Side Effect".

I look at it this way, I can use these stretch marks as a badge of courage. They can be a constant reminder of what 12 years of wanton gluttony can do for a guy, a daily warning that all pizza and no walking make Len a fat boy, a beacon of fat things to come!

It's all good. I'm fitting into older clothes and feeling better. I might even break out some paisley before it's all over.

Thanks for tuning in this week. It's been cool. See you in the 260s.

Len

http://trappedinafatman.blogspot.com/

Sunday, April 19, 2009

I just missed the mark this week!!

Starting Weight: 324.5 lbs
Weight Last Sunday: 278 lbs
Weight today: 275.5 lbs
Weight Lost This Week: 2.5 lbs
Weight Lost to Date: 49 lbs
Weeks Completed: 15
Weeks to go: 37

One more pound and it would have been 50! As it is, I've lost one pound for each state in the union. That union would be the union before August 21, 1959 when there were only 49 states (sorry Hawaii).

I would like to say that there was an initial accounting error last week. I originally reported the total weight lost so far (last Sunday) as 47.5 lbs. That has since been corrected to 46.5 lbs. It seems we used the United States General Accounting Office to audit our math last week. We won't be doing that again.

I would also like to say that at my mom's 65th birthday party last night, I did not eat any of my wife's home made lasagna, none of that tasty salad with that one honey mustard dressing I like, none of that wonderful Italian bread that's crunchy on the outside but light and fluffy on the inside, and none of that kickin' birthday cake with all that butter cream icing deliciousness!!!!!!!!!!! I suppressed my inner gourmand so that I would end the week on a high note. I did it for you, my loyal following. I did it so you all could say, "Cool...he's still going in the right direction." Seriously, I abstained from the chow fest because I have given myself a lot of days off over the last two weeks. If I was smart, I wouldn't do that on a Tuesday work night and, instead, save up for a Saturday birthday party. No one ever accused me of being smart. Smart-a--ed maybe...

This was a really crazy week. Work was insane...for all the wrong reasons. There was a "Days of Our Lives" factor of about 10.5. It felt so school-like that I half expected a Judy Blume book to come flying out of some one's mouth. Typical Len would have tied on the feed bag. While I did eat a little more some days, my worst day wasn't as bad as I normally ate before this project.

I finished the week (er started the week?) this morning with a walk. The musical choice was Digital Underground from 1989. It was tres fun and extremely old school. That was back when rap was about drugs and sex and king-sized egos. Not like today where rap is about...wait...drugs and sex and king-sized egos. I guess it hasn't changed that much. As my friend reminded me, Digital Underground did create the nonsense word Looptid. Top that Kanye West!

I know several of my friends have kicked off weight loss efforts over the last few weeks. I just want to say hang in there and stay strong. Also, be accountable to someone (or some people). It really helps!

Until next week, when that barrier known as 50 lbs lost goes down, I wish you all peace and humptiness forever.

Len

http://trappedinafatman.blogspot.com

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Welcome to the 270s Mr. Smith...it's been awhile.

Starting Weight: 324.5 lbs
Weight Last Sunday: 281 lbs
Weight today: 278 lbs
Weight Lost This Week: 3 lbs
Weight Lost to Date: 46.5 lbs
Weeks Completed: 14
Weeks to go: 38


It's an Easter miracle! After phoning in last week's performance, I made some progress this week. Considering I was off most of the week, that was no small feat. I said goodbye to the 280s (hopefully forever). Ah 280s, we barely knew ye!


I haven't been able to walk this week. Let me elaborate. I'm not paralyzed, I just didn't have time to walk the usual 2.5 miles per day that I normally do. I cut the grass once, but other than that it's been paint, paint, paint. We repainted our kitchen and painted all of our ugly oak cabinets, chair rails, and floor trim white. That kicked my butt. Sorry if you or someone you know is a fan of/made out of oak.


It's been a cool Easter morning. My son looked at his basket full of candy and new soccer ball and said, "I was kind of hoping for some slime." Evidently, slime is something you can buy in a can. We will be performing an exorcism on my little heathen son later.


I usually spend the end of my blog poking good natured fun at the pitfalls of being heavy. I'm finding less and less that I can write about that's not of a personal nature. Maybe I'll create a sister blog to this one called Diary of A Mad Fat Man - Adult Swim. That one could contain material of a more blue nature. Let's just say being really overweight is a self-induced handicap. The more weight I lose, the more I realize just how much mobility I had lost. Getting up off the floor, getting out of a chair, walking up to a buffet...all were major tasks.

Well, I have two more milestones approaching. 274.5 will be the 50 lbs mark and 266 is the lightest I've been in the last five years. Both will be good to hit.

Thanks to all of you who tune in week after week. I really believe this blog has made the difference for me in this diet. I love hearing from you all.

May the sweet winds of spring not blow too much of that fresh mulch smell upon you!

Len

http://trappedinafatman.blogspot.com/